Tuesday evening. Today has been another of those terribly blah sort of days. Not bad, not good, just another day. It's hot outside, which doesn't help my ennui because I'm ready and waiting for the cool, more winter like weather to come. Now, for those not acquainted with southern California, let me just say, right up front, that I know we don't have "real" winters here...it's all in what you're used to. I've lived in southern California for 31 of my 36 years and also for the last 25 straight years, so winter for me is when it doesn't get into the 80s and I can wear sweaters and long pants to work. A little rain every once in a great while is nice, too, but beggars can't be choosers and we sometimes do go years at a time without significant rainfall, so I don't let myself get attached to precipitation as a wintertime feature. What was I talking about before I started to digress? Oh yes, so my mood has been dampened a bit by the hot weather. I think I'll be a lot happier once it cools off about 10 degrees.

Fat phobia study reveals weighty attitudes is a great article, from my point of view, because I know that I'm one of the fat people the article talks about, who judge fat people more harshly than even the general population does. I'm terrible about this and it all starts with my own low self esteem. I look at myself in the mirror with such loathing and disgust that it's bound to encompass others that look like me. Funny thing is, this doesn't change with my weight. I can remember being 120, at 5'3", in high school and thinking I was fat. Actually, I was told that I was fat all the time, which probably didn't help things much, either. I am one of the harshest critics of what is beautiful and what is not, I mean, Joan and Melissa have nothing on me, and that's so completely hypocritical. I mean, I'm not beautiful, so why am I being so snide in my head about others? Who knows, and the article doesn't offer any hypotheses, either. Perhaps I should apply for a hefty government grant to study this topic? I could take a leave of absence from my job and do a lot of swanning about, gathering and analyzing data, and then issue an insightful paper that encapsulates everything I've learned. Sounds heavenly!

Back to reality for a moment, I seem to be solidly on course for my food and water and I really feel very positively about my exercise, too. Today I took a serious step toward finishing the marathon without even exerting myself -- I emailed nearly everyone I know, telling them of my marathon plans and asking for donations for the Diabetes Association in honor of the walking I'm going to be doing. I even came up with statistics such as the fact that I'll have walked over 800 miles, driven 6,500 miles, and burned through two pairs of $100 running shoes just in the training portion of this odyssey, before the actual race itself starts. So far, I've had a very positive response. I'm shooting for $2,600 (a dollar for every mile in the marathon), which VLSCI will match for a total of $5,200 for diabetes. Not nearly what they need but it really helps me help others while I'm doing something for myself. If anyone else would like to contribute ($26 being my suggested contribution, although any amount will be most gratefully accepted), let me know and I'll send you my contact information.

Back later, after I do an one hour interval session on the treadmill downstairs. WooHoo!


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