Wednesday morning. I didn't post yesterday. I wanted to, or, to be perfectly frank, some part of me wanted to, but still I didn't. It wasn't a particularly bad day, at least not until dinner time, but I just didn't want to post. Why didn't I want to? I'm not sure, and that's the truly frustrating part about it. I read two really great posts this morning, one by Lori and one by Sour Bob (thanks to SF for introducing him!) and they both help to explain how I'm feeling right now.

First, let me say that I had Carne Asada chips (about 2,000 calories, I'm guessing) and most of a Grande Carne Asada burrito (another 2,000 or so) for dinner last night. This after I diligently slogged through my one hour of interval training in the gym after work. This after I meekly ate my hummus on toasted pita for lunch. I don't know why I did it. I know that I justified it to myself in my head thusly: I'm being so good with my marathon training now that I can just let the eating portion of becoming healthier slip "a little". OK, 4,000 extra calories in one day is not a little, Denise, and thinking like that is exactly how I got where I am right now. Result of bingefest? A really, really horrible tummy ache, terrible guilt, and a blood sugar reading this morning of 211 (it was 120 yesterday morning, which is not bad at all -- anything over 200 is really very, very bad).

So, now we know what I didn't want to write about, but why didn't I want to write about it? Certainly, I've come here before to vent and rant about my lack of willpower and culinary indiscretions, so why not yesterday? This is where what Lori and Sour Bob have to say comes into play. Like Lori, I don't want to have well meaning people telling me what I should have eaten instead or other very good, well intentioned advice. I am one of those people that hates the fact that I have to do this (restrict what I eat) at all and hate even more the fact that there are people that know I have to do this. Yes, I realize that seems contradictory given the fact that I've got an online journal that people read where I write about this, but it makes perfect sense in my world. Like Sour Bob, I also am starting to realize that there are people that read what I have to say here each day, and am feeling as though I could easily slip into the trap of over dramatizing the events of my life just to make things more interesting here. I create enough drama on my own, thank you very much, so no need to amplify it!

So, boiling it all down, I didn't post yesterday but I'm here today and I'm glad.

Weeks until LA Marathon: 20
Weeks until Christmas: 10
Exercise yesterday: 60 minutes/3.2 miles interval training


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