My, that was much shorter than I'd hoped
Tuesday afternoon. Well, my run of on plan days ended, sadly, at 5. Last night, just before I left work, I started thinking about bingeing on a big pile of Mexican food from my favorite takeout place, and that's just what I did. I talked to myself (in my head, of course) about why eating properly was important, told myself that I had a DietToGo dinner waiting for me, and still I chose to binge. As I've looked at the "why" of the decision, it seems to be directly related to my need to feel "full". You see, DietToGo meals have about 500 calories each and are contained in 5"x8" containers, so they're not huge (which is, of course, the point!) and don't make me feel "full" when I'm done eating them.
I know that Lori has talked about this unreasonable need that some of us have to feel physically "full" before we stop eating. Last night, I ate and ate until I started to feel uncomfortable. I was proud of myself because I stopped at that point, so I told myself that, although I'd made a huge mistake in bingeing, I'd still stopped myself before I started to feel sick. That little celebration was premature, however, because, once my stomach had settled a little (perhaps 40 minutes later), I went right back and finished everything. Once I'd finished eating the second time, I was feeling truly ill and quite remorseful. That lasted about two hours, at which point I headed for McDonald's for dessert. Yes, after all of that, and still feeling queasy, I ate dessert! This is nuts, people, absolute insanity!!!
This morning, in the cold light of day, I am searching for some sort of answer to this crazy need and I'm willing to try nearly anything. I know that I can't do this on my own, I know that I feel better when I hear that there are others like me and that I'm not some sort of freak, and I know that I will never be able to say, "I'll never binge again," because it's got to be some kind of sickness. All of these factors are incorporated in the Overaters Anonymous program, which I've had experience with only through friends that have been in the program. I don't know if it will help me or not, but it's worth a try, so I'm going to a meeting on Friday night and we'll see how it goes.
Weeks until Rock and Roll Marathon: 18
Exercise yesterday: Day off
Days on plan: Working on Day One!
Goals / Rewards:
* Finish Rock and Roll Marathon in 7:45 or less / Buy Boden coat
* Lose 11 pounds by March 9 / Get a massage at the Flamingo Hilton