Not perfect, but not giving up

Monday morning. You know what one of the most wonderful feelings in the world is? Realizing, on a Sunday evening, that you don't have to go to work until Wednesday. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my job, I love the company I work for and the people that I work with. Really. Even when I sometimes feel I need the Universal Translator from StarTrek just to understand some of the discussions in my meetings. All that to the side, though, it's still wonderful to know that you get to play hookie without repercussions.

I met my mom and dad for lunch today. We went to the same place that they took us when Chris was out and we even sat at the same table. I know it sounds corny, but I sort of felt this ache when I looked at the empty chair he should have been sitting in. I miss him. For everyone that has their loved person with them, give them an extra hug or kiss for me tonight, as I long for the touch of Chris' hand in mine, his cheek to my cheek, his lips on my face. Sorry, didn't mean to bring the room down. (I'm not even PMSing, so I've no idea why I just went there!)

We've taken a few steps forward and a few back since my last post. I've pretty much either eaten or thrown out everything in the house that's not my DietToGo meals, so it's either stick to it or starve (not bloody likely!). The problem now is, without any money* or fast food or bingeing, it's getting pretty ugly around here. I'm like a nervous, caged animal. I fret, I worry, I am stressed about money, I am stressed about eating, I have no options and I hate that feeling. I know, I should take this for the blessing in disguise that it, no doubt, is, but that's not how it feels. It feels like I'm trapped and that the walls of my world are closing in on me, leaving me no room to move or dance or laugh. Ugh!

* Oh yes, did I neglect to mention to you, dear readers, that I was officially flat broke as of 24 hours after my paycheck hit my bank? Gah! I am hoping that my sell order for some of my VLSCI options went through today, since it looked as though the stock hit my ask price. If it didn't, I'm going to have to lower the target price because I cannot have this situation continue for another two weeks. For one thing, I've got to pay the utility company Friday afternoon (when I get paid) or else they'll be paying me a nasty little visit. For another, I'm going to Vegas for work next week and I have to have enough money on hand to pay miscellaneous expenses (tips, bellhops, morning latte, etc). When I say I'm broke, I mean I'm broke, folks. As of this moment, I have two dollar bills in my purse and less than $1 in change, and that's it. My credit card is maxed out and my bank account is empty. Not overdrawn, thankfully, but empty. Thank goodness for the DietToGo food that I so resent because, otherwise, I'd have nothing to eat this week.


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