Something thought provoking

Thursday afternoon. Sorry about not posting yesterday, I just didn't have anything to say. Actually, to be precise, I didn't have anything to say that wasn't crabby, mean spirited, and pointless. In any case, I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and did not post. Rest assured that I missed both of you terribly and will not do it again!

I read something this afternoon that really hit me. It's from a learning tool by Dr Matthew Anderson called "Weight Loss as a Spiritual Journey", which I ordered some months ago in an attempt to marry my struggle with weight loss and one of the greatest sources of strength I have, my faith. In any case, the section that I really connected with deals with what Dr. Anderson calls "the spiritual warrior", someone who is willing to do whatever needs to be done to gain the knowledge and strength necessary to gain the prize they seek.

"How does a spiritual warrior view weight loss? She sees it as an opportunity for growth and transformation. The average person sees weight loss as an ordinary and uncomfortable process that should happen quickly and with as little effort as possible. That is why all those ?fantasy? programs that promise 30 pounds of weight loss in 2 to 4 weeks sell so well. A true spiritual warrior already knows that those programs always fail and she has learned to look past them to the real issues that drive her to overeat.

Weight loss, to the spiritual warrior is a doorway to a new experience of herself. She looks at each challenge, each drive to consume pounds of pizza, pasta and peanut butter as a message from an inner source of wisdom that begs for interpretation. She has found the courage to stop and listen and allow those crucial and life-giving messages to emerge and present their jewels. She is willing to confront her hurts and wounds in the service of her growth and healing and she is aware that she is not perfect and will have to get up from her frequent falls and continue on her journey."

OK, so I'm definitely in the "ordinary" category at this point. I don't want to confront any truths about myself, I don't want to delve into my psyche and re-experience past pain, I just want to lose weight, as expeditiously as possible and with as few speed bumps as possible. I don't handle speed bumps well at all, and I definitely don't look at them as a "message from an inner source of wisdom that begs for interpretation." When something happens to knock me from my weight loss program, I beat myself up, feel sorry for myself, eat a lot to console myself and, if I'm lucky, get back on track eventually.

This piece of information, combined with something that Shannon said on the Weigh Better forum a few days ago, when she reminded me that if I didn't find something to love about the journey from where I am now to where I want to be, I'd find it really hard to stay motivated in the many (MANY) months ahead, has really got me thinking about the way I view losing weight.

In my current mindset, every facet of weight loss and healthier living is a chore, something to be borne so that I can get thin and be happy (they go together automatically, just like macaroni and cheese...didn't you know?). There is nothing pleasureable about it, nothing to be gained (except weight, of course), just deprivation and resentment. This, I think, must stop.

I need to fundamentally change the way I approach this thing. Positive thoughts should, theoretically, have a better chance of producing positive results. I know that negative thoughts have only ever brought negative results for me, not to mention the effect that negativity has had on my overall life. Negativity breeds negativity and, frankly, there's enough of that running around without my contributions.

How will I make this change? Not sure. Just another thing to add to my list of things to figure out.


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