Things you can tell just by looking at her

Wednesday night. What do you suppose people think when they see me? Do you suppose they think that I'm wildly successful in my high-tech career? That I have a cute little web journal that people who are not related to me come and read each day? That I am a critical treatment team member for the most fabulous 14-year-old foster child ever? That I love to laugh with (and at) my numerous Junior League buddies? That I am dating one of the cutest boys ever? That, although I have my ups and downs, I love my life so much that it hurts?

Or do they just see the fatness and think, "Gee, what a shame, why doesn't that girl do something? Doesn't she know she's putting her health at risk???" I used to think that about myself, but that was before everything in the first paragraph became part of my life. I can tell that some people look at me and write me off, certain that I can't have any truly wonderful contributions to offer because, well, have you seen the kind of care she takes of herself?

I choose this topic to talk about today because it just sometimes hits me that it might appear to some that I'm playing it small...playing it safe...keeping this fat suit around to avoid the attention I get when I'm smaller. And, when I'm being honest with myself, that is certainly part of the equation. But. But then I remember that there's so much more to me now than just my weight, or even my struggles with my weight. I am not downplaying my contributions or how big my impact on the world is. I am not hiding my light to avoid making others feel uncomfortable. I'm here, being me, loving my life, talking honestly about my struggles with this area of my life, and celebrating the fact that I'm not just about my body or my weight. My value doesn't depend on a number on the scale, no matter what anyone else thinks, and I guess I just have to give thanks every once in a while for that fact.

So, Casual Stranger, you might not see how fabulous I am, but really, isn't that your loss?

Comments

Anonymous said…
I've always known you were freaking fabulous!
Jocelyn said…
Appearances can be so deceiving, and labeling even more so. I have only seen an couple of photos of you that you have posted on your blog occassionally, but as I read your blog I dont even think about what my eyes see, what touches me is what I read about your thoughts and your actions, and what I "see" is a really beautiful person.
theaddict said…
I think that I may have accidentally posted the wrong comment here, meant for another site! So sorry, please delete it if so. Also, I think that the love and respect you have for yourself is amazing. I wish I had an ounce of what you have. I'm envious of you Denise.
Anonymous said…
So very, very true.
JessiferSeabs said…
I love love love reading that you love your life. When it comes down to it, that is the most important thing of all. Congratulations on having such a level-headed and relatable attitude about your weight. It is important for health reasons, but besides that, it's just a number on a scale. If you are happy, that's what REALLY matters.
Alda said…
Amen!
Shrinking Girl said…
hell yeah!! What Denise just said!!
Karin said…
Yup, ditto on what they all said. I also want to say I love the design of your blog! It's the best I've seen so far. I checked out the skins at blogskins,but they all seemed to be made for suicidal lovesick teenagers. Predominantly asian as well. It's interesting.

Anyway, I'm bookmarking your blog!

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