The one in which I reappear after a long absence and tell you that I've had an amazing realization

Saturday morning. Wowser, this week has just flown by! With all of the social obligations plus work reaching a fever pitch, I just haven't even thought about doing anything other than getting up, going to work, going to a party, then coming home and falling asleep. (Repeat as necessary.)

Anyway, you didn't come here to listen to me whine about how I'd really just like a day so that I could get things done, so here's the poop on my fabulous realization: my health isn't a priority for me. OK, before you all scream "DUH, Denise" in unison, let me explain what I mean. It came about while I was at a Junior League training on Time Management. The leader was talking about the need to decide what was important to you before trying to organize your day because you must make sure that your "to do" is aligned (as much as possible) with what's important. I didn't think much of it at the time other than to jot myself a note to think about this more when I had time. After I got home, I was idly asking myself about priorities and started to name mine off inside my head: family, TCB, Alcott and the kids, my health. It hit me nearly immediately that my health was pretty far down on the list. I then thought about what my priorities have been when I've been really successful in leading a healthy life: family and my health pretty much tied. Of course, I never had a boyfriend when I was going great gangbusters with the health thing and I definitely never had anything like Alcott in my life. So, essentially, when there's nothing in my life but me, I'm easily able to make my health the top priority, become myopically obsessed with every detail of my healthy lifestyle, and have amazing results. Then, when I add other things to the list, they all quickly move ahead of my health and I regain all of the weight I've lost along with dumping all of my healthy habits in favor of doing things with my higher priority items (in this case, TCB and Alcott).

I've thought a lot about it since then and it truly is that simple. I'm not sabotaging myself for a man, I'm not letting myself go because I want to test his devotion, I just deprioritize myself and stop doing what I need to do. Wow. Again, I'm sure many of you are slapping your heads and wondering how I can be so excited about such an obvious realization but, honestly, this really is the first time I've made this connection.

I'm honestly not sure where to go with this but I've got an appointment with Dr. Angelique (my eating disorder therapist) on Wednesday and I'm going to share with her. I know that I can't toss TCB and Alcott to the curb so that I can get obsessive about my health and I know that I can't keep shoving my health down on the priority list, either, or else I soon won't be here for them, either. No, I'm not sure what to do, but at least I know what I'm facing, and that's a very comforting realization indeed.


Anonymous said…
What a great realization. Being healthy is like another responsibility that is easy to drop. If I/we handled the other parts of our lives the same as our health, they would be gone. Don't focus on work? Fired! Don't meet the needs of your family/TCB/Alcot/or friends. They don't call or visit. Don't keep your healthy habits? No biggie, you just gain weight. But you don't lose anything. Not immediately.

Thank you so much for sharing. This is the situation that I am in also. There are other things I would rather do than be healthy or do the work it requires.
La said…
There is a way, Denise. It's called "balance". There's no need to be obsessive about any of the multitude of things in your life (and you have many, that's for sure), you just have to prioritize them equally. Sure, the weight might not come off as quickly, but you can still be healthy AND do everything else you want to do.
Shannin said…
I've been using Franklin Covey as my planning system for about 8 years now. He stresses the importance of putting agenda/to do items in your daily planner just for yourself - exercise, drinking 64 ounces of water, etc. It helps keep your focus on you, even when all the other outside forces start squeezing them off the lists.
Whew--I was glad to see that you hadn't decided to toss the health thing in favor of your great guys, but I'm also glad to see you taking a more positive take on it.

Hey--we ordered a treadmill today!
EMLB said…
Hang in there Denise, I know for me this whole thing has to be addressed holisitcally, and when I have a new awareness that I can take to my therapist (who also specializes in eating disorders), I progress that much further down the road to recovery. I am rooting for you with all my heart!
Anonymous said…
OMG I think you just described the exact thing I do. There's always the kids, the man blah blah blah, and I put myself last. You and me have to have us some balance, Denise!
Flo said…
Denise, excellent for making that realization. What do they say, Admitting there's a problem is half the battle. Now you know what's going on you can fix it. As La said, it's all about balance. Good luck and there's an awful lot of really helpful people out here if you need us.
I can't fit said…
Deinse - This is great news because it sounds like you are taking the first steps to turn things around again and being the strong woman I know you are you will accomplish this task.

Good luck.

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