Slightly pissed off - you might want to skip

Thursday afternoon. I love reading about others' success, about their hard work and dedication to being in shape and living a fit lifestyle. I cheer with them when they lose another 2, 3, 4, or more pounds each week, even as I've watched the numbers on my own scale climb to precipitous heights. Their success doesn't detract from me, it doesn't threaten me, and, being friends via Internet with these people, I'm just so pleased for their success because their happiness bring me happiness, too. (That's the way friendship works.)

However, anyone who uses their success as a soapbox to launch into a smug, self-satisfied attack on others who've "let themselves go"? Yeah, it's on. You know nothing about those women you've just passed a really ignorant judgment on. They could be suffering from any number of mental illnesses that impair their ability to focus on much of anything, much less their own health and well-being. They could have thyroid problems which definitely impact their weight (among many other things). PCOS, too, causes problems with weight and can contribute to depression as well. There are also those, like myself, suffering from eating disorders such as bulimia, binge eating disorder, and compulsive eating. Would you say that someone who tore a tendon in their knee and so was unable to exercise and gained some weight was "letting herself go"??! (Wow, I really hope not.)

Am I done ranting yet? Oh, heck no! Why must some people compare themselves to others who are not as accomplished in order to feel good about themselves? Isn't the whole point of how fabulous you are for having lost weight that you, um DUH, had to lose weight, too? So, really, you're not better, are you? Nothing separates you from those other men and women except the numbers on the scale and on the waistband of their blue jeans and honestly, are you so shallow that you can use that to pass judgment on them?

No, we've not "let ourselves go", we're mothers and career women and girlfriends and mentors and volunteers and daughters and sons and babysitters and CASAs and, unlike you (apparently), have not put ourselves at the top of our priority list for a while. Do not presume to judge us or yourself so easily...little in life is as simple as that. Celebrate your victories (scale and non-scale) by all means, but please don't resort to running others down to make yourself feel better - that just cheapens your achievements.

I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet." How true. How very, very true.

Comments

Anonymous said…
You GO Girl!! I too, have watched the scale move up and up no matter what I do. I beat myself up enough to listen to people pull the crap you are talking about.
Anonymous said…
You know, it also bothers me when a new dieter loses a bunch of weight and gets very smug about the process. I can think of one person in particular (not you, heh) that has posted some really condesending stuff and lo and behold, said person is now struggling. Welcome to the real world, buddy! In fact, I have seen every single one of us fall off the mountain at some point. The important thing is to get back to it and learn from it! I <3 you Denise! Happy holidays babe.

P.S. Email me at bitchy@thatthinbitch.com.
yvonne said…
Yow! Get down with yer bad self! Hee! Seriously, I promise I'll stop posting smug little missives about how much weight I'm losing (God I crack myself up!) if you promise to never leave me . . .

*smooches*
La said…
Wow, who was it that set you off, Denise? Jeez, I can't believe that someone would do that. But good that you called him/her on it.
I rant and rave all the time on my blog. So go ahead and let it out!

I love that bumper sticker, by the way.
Unknown said…
Preach on sister! Can I get an AMEN?!

Good for you getting it out there too. Holding in the anger is not going to do anyone any good. Keep on fighting the good fight my friend.
Jocelyn said…
I'll AMEN to that!
Anonymous said…
Seeing as I have regained around 13lbs in the last month I can totally relate to the rant you just gave.

Merry Christmas!
Anonymous said…
welllllllllll bloody said, denise :) in this stupid weight loss craper. we ALL go up and down, but nobody lets go.

(and i agree w/ taylore too. there is nothing more irritating about the New Loser. you can celebrate your loss and try to inspire others, but there's no need for snugness. one is not invincible!)

PS happy holidays :)
I can't fit said…
Denise - I'm really sorry that you had to experience someone being "too big for their own britches".

Seriously - the number on the scale doesn't have anything to do with who lives on the inside.
snackiepoo said…
Yeah, you know that I am probably the least offended by this post ;). What the hell kind of b.s. is that? I'd love to ask where I can read it too, but you know...I won't be THAT girl.

I know this girl who used to be on a WW thread with us that would only check in once a week to brag about her loss and tell us all what we were doing wrong...then she hit that phase that we all do, where the losses started slowing down and she even saw small gains...and guess what? We never see her at all...imagine that.

People are ass sometimes.
Shannin said…
I fully understand where you are coming from. I know I tend to get preachy in my own head now that I'm experiencing some success - I wonder why two women who just had surgery are eating Heath bars, fritos, fudge, pizza, etc. - but I don't say anything. It's a fine line between offering advice and encouragement and not getting on your high horse.

BTW - you haven't 'let yourself go." I think that you're on track for some great success!!
Wendy said…
Denise, on one hand, I'm soooo with you on these sentiments. Fuck these idiots who want to try make the rest of us feel bad about ourselves. FUCK THEM.

And then, on the other hand? Fuck them! Why the hell should you, or I, choose to receive their dumbass comments? I think we'd be doing ourselves a big, big favor to learn how to let other people's asinine-ness just roll on by, dumb and completely undisturbed.

Kind of like someone who were to spout off about, say, clouds being made of cotton balls. None of us would waste our time trying to cure the idiocy. But this issue hits close to home, so we try to defend against it. But babe? It will only feed the smugness. Just walk on by. Let that person continue to be a complete dumbass, for more and more people to see just how asinine s/he is. Ya know?
Alda said…
You tell 'em girl!!
Anonymous said…
I couldn't have said it better myself!
Anonymous said…
Denise, I think I love you!

Seriously, coming from someone currently struggling, I really appreciated this post. I've dealt with the type you've described here, and it always pisses me off. Taylore is right, it's often someone "new" to the game, someone who got on a great roll, a losing streak, and hasn't yet hit a bump in the road... but sometimes it's also someone who should know better.

I appreciate this post more than I can say. Struggling sucks ass, and knowing someone appreciates the many reasons for it makes it just a little bit easier to believe I'll get through it, that we all can!
jill spyker said…
You tell it sistas!! Rock it!
theaddict said…
I wish I knew which blog you were talking about... but I won't ask. I have to totally agree with your sentiments. We should support each other, not knock each other down.

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