It's the craziest thing ever

Thursday evening. Wow, I'm really sorry that I haven't been here for a while. I really hope that someone got the license number for the bus that hit me! Work is, as usual, crazed plus I had a Junior League meeting on Tuesday night until 8:30pm, so that didn't help. (Interesting meeting, though...did you know that less than 25% of people working in the science and engineering fields are women? Yikes! There's a not-for-profit working to change that for San Diego as well as expanding children's interest in science and engineering regardless of gender, race, or economic background. Good stuff.)

In any case, so I've been trying to work The Plan and work has been so hectic and emotionally draining that I've deviated in many, many ways. I was a little peeved about that but then I decided that, given how much stress I'm under, it probably wasn't that significant. Then, tonight, I realized that, once I sort of gave myself permission to have little mini binges (seriously, nothing like they used to be) without recrimination or throwing in the towel, I didn't seem to need them as much. Imagine that! I don't feel that manic "I've-got-to-be-perfect-or-else" vs. "what-the-heck-bingeing-feels-better-than-this-does-anyway" swinging going on, either. It's like, I'm going to eat when I'm hungry and, if that's a little more than it should be, that's OK. (Plus, since I've officially stopped dieting, if I eat a carnitas burrito, that's OK, too. Bonuses!)

No idea what my weight will look like when I weigh again on February 1, but here are some of the things I've figured out:

1. I don't like eating little mini meals between real meals. If I'm going to sit down and eat, I want it to be substantial. Not sure how to fix that or if I'll even try.

2. When I drive home (which I need to do on the freeway so that I don't drive past fast food) and I'm exhausted, that probably means that I need to eat something, relax a little, and then go to bed early. Staying up late just makes me feel worse the next day and usually leads to binges around 9:30/10pm. If I'm in bed, I can't binge!

3. Working out in the morning is great, but it makes me late for work. I'm in the middle of an iFit eight-week treadmill walking program and there are these workouts to do each day (with directions about what speed and incline to use plus music and a personal trainer) which are great and I love. Except that my old treadmill makes a lot of noise so I have to wait until my elderly neighbor is awake and upstairs before I start walking so that I don't wake her up. This makes me late if I have to be in by 9am so, on those days that I can't get into the office around 9:30, I'll just have to do them at night. (I have a new treadmill on order, so this shouldn't be a problem after next week.)

I won't have to figure out what to do about my eating over the weekend when I'm with TCB because he's got a Navy buddy staying with him for the next month, so I won't be going up there for a while. It's just too long a drive to stay for the afternoon and then go home on a regular basis although I'm sure I will sometime during the four weeks. (I'll also be seeing him this Monday because he'll be here to do more things around the condo while also supervising the guy that's coming out to fix the rotted out pieces of wood on my deck.) Honestly, if I can get some good habits built up before I deal with weekends with TCB, that's not a bad thing.

OK, off to get changed and do my 25 minutes of treadmilling. Be good!


Anonymous said…
goodness! I hope you get the treadmill situation fixed, did this woman tell you it was too noisy or what?!

And yes yes yes! It's not the end of the world, the end of the diet - it's not even the end of the day when you feel weak and give in to foods that aren't on the list. One thing that helped me a little with cheating is looking at the calories of the thing I want to eat, and figure out how long I had to exercise (which I HATE) to just break even with that food. I remember a Little Debbie equaled like 80 minutes of exercise and jees louise, that sooo wasn't worth it.
Anonymous said…
I'm on the not-diet diet right now - I'm calling it, "Operation Eat Like A Human" because I was eating more like a hippo or something over the holidays (and really, even just before them and just after). I haven't gone back to counting yet. I'm just too afraid to throw myself back into a tailspin. I think this is okay - it's just where I need to be right now. Obviously, you are finding that space where you need to be now.

As for the treadmill - well, if you really like a morning work out, that's one thing. If you're open to trying it later, maybe you need a DVR! Tivo, or the like. We have a DVR through our cable company and it is the best thing ever. Seriously, only because of that - and the fact that he really loves me ;) - was I able to watch four hours of figure skating last night. Anything that would've been missed was recording anyway!

Either way, you've clearly put yourself in that "zone" they talk about. You seem sure, confident and determined, all great things!
M@rla said…
I am so with you on #1. I know it's recommended to eat 6 small meals, but I like to feel FULL once in a while! When I eat those mini-meals all day I don't ever really feel satisfied. Oh well, I guess that's one of those things we have to learn to live with...
theaddict said…
Eating is a lot harder for me on the weekends, and it is really hard when you have someone else and they want to eat badly! I know how tough it is.
I'll make this fast, cuz I have to dash over to the BOBS and vote for you again!!

I think you're perfect right now.
Anonymous said…
Bed on time is key, I think. We can do it!

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