Losing my mind, losing it with TCB, spending time with Alcott, and finally some good news

Monday afternoon. I shall start with the good stuff first because really, who wants to start off on a downer?

Argy, your prediction came true - Daddy just called and Mom came through her colonoscopy just fine. They found some small polyps, none of which were malignant, and removed them as part of the procedure. I broke down and cried just from the relief. It was just what I'd told her it would be, but I don't think I trusted myself enough to believe it. Thank you, God, for taking care of my mom. I know she can drive me nuts but that's only because she's my mom and I love her more than breath or water or chocolate or Chanel. Thank any of you that sent a prayer or good thought or just hoped she'd be OK, too...everything helps.

On to the stuff I'm not so proud of. So, TCB's been under a lot of pressure lately at work. I knew that things were happening but, being the "keep it to myself" type, he didn't tell me how stressed out he really was. Until. Until I blew up Sunday morning over something really piddly and stupid and said, "I'm leaving." I started gathering my things up and heard him laugh and then I got really mad. He asked what was wrong and I wouldn't reply, just flew around his condo grabbing things while I cried. He persisted and I finally stopped moving, started sobbing, and told him how I was feeling. We talked for a while and we're OK, but it really shook me. I'm worried that we're really not as strong as I think because we aren't communicating about the important stuff. I don't want to lose him, so, at some point, I'm going to have to revisit and get to the core of things...clean it all out. It's painful but so is keeping things inside.

And, just so that we don't end on a down note, I had two great visits with Alcott over the weekend. First, I went to his bowling league Saturday morning and ended up taking he and his foster brother to lunch. On the way back from lunch, Alcott told me he was going to show me where his girlfriend lives. Of course, he told his brother that he'd have to duck if she was outside, but that's OK. He shared with me that he walks her home from school every day, which adds about a mile to his walk home by my calculations. I asked if he also carried her books for her, to which he said something like, "no way!," so I told him that was the top of the Good Boyfriend characteristics and that I was very proud of the way he was conducting himself. (Can you believe it? My boy is that kid you remember, the sweet one who was adorable without being intimidating, and always says "please" and "may I?" before doing something. I'm so proud of him!!!) Then, Sunday afternoon, I took him to his visit with his siblings, so I got to spend time with all five of them, which I love. On the way home, we drove through Starbucks because it's our "thing" and because it was so cold that my toes hurt and I wanted something warm. He asked if I had free weekends on my cell plan, which I do, then asked if he could use my cell, and I told him that he could. He called his girlfriend (I know her name and home phone number now!) and chatted with her for 15 minutes while I drove. I tried not to eavesdrop, I really, really did, but I heard a few snippets of "well, so-and-so said that she heard that you'd said that I said..." and it all sounded so much like my boyfriends and I did when I was 14 that I had to keep biting the inside of my lower lip to keep from giggling. I know that I'm old and that he can't imagine that I was ever anything but old, yet inside me I keep forgetting that I'm old enough to be a teenager's parent. Seems like just yesterday.

Alrighty, back to the salt mines. It does feel a little better here at work and that's a darned good thing because another week like last week might just do me in!


Anonymous said…
It sounds like your crying with TCB is the start of some good communication. Way to be honest and let it out.
Sounds like your time with Alcott was wonderful!
Alda said…
First, I'm so glad your mom is OK. Wonderful news. Second, relationships have their ups and downs, particularly when they're (fairly) new. If I had a dollar for all the times I thought my relationship was OVER in the first couple of years I'd be... well maybe not rich, but I'd certainly have some extra cash to spend. It sounds like you're getting to know each other better, which is good. Third, your relationship with Alcott sounds so lovely. Being the mother of a 14 year old, I know what you mean - sharing in these things that are like a throwback to your own adolescence. Enjoy it!
betsy said…
Glad to hear mama is doing well!

Easier said than done, but communication and talking and opening up about EVERYTHING really is a piece of the puzzle that keeps things together.

Alcott sounds like such a sweetheart!!!

Glad to read the good news about your Mom and lol at Alcott's conversation. Heck, if it was a kid in my car on my cellphone, I'd be eavesdropping without shame!

Good luck working things out with TCB. Maybe this will open the communication lines a little more.
theaddict said…
It is so great to hear the good news about your mom! What a relief. And I just wanted to say thanks for the "model" comment, although I really doubt I'd make the grade. ;)
Shannin said…
So glad to to hear about your mom. That is awesome news.

Also glad you got to spend some time with Alcott. I hope that made your day.

As far as TCB, I hope this opens up some communication lines and strengthen the relationship.
Anonymous said…
I've noticed...that guys just don't know how to talk, only how to act(and even that's spotty). They're pretty good at saying all the wrong things, and not saying the right ones. I'm not sure that's a fixable quality, but maybe he can help you to understand it.
EMLB said…
I just got married in 2004 and am only beginning to think about breeding. As a 37 year old, I too find it unfathomable that I might be old enough to have sired a teenager. Hang in there with TCB, you'll get where you need to be with him.

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