Plucking at my heart strings

Thursday morning. I had to think about which day of the week it is and that saddens me. My boss asked me that question a few nights ago and I honestly couldn't tell him without looking at the calendar. Sad.

Things at work are so busy. I know I've said that before and we are certainly very busy every January, but it hasn't been like this in at least four years. I had to beg and cajole a team member to go down to a product launch celebration because she was convinced that, if she just didn't get up from her computer, she could power out another product or will her QA tester to stop sending defects. In the end, I told her she only had to stay down in the courtyard long enough to have some snacky food and a glass or bottle of her favorite alcoholic beverage. I don't know for sure but I think I saw her down there when the raffle started, too - good for her! (Of course, she was still at her desk working when I left at 7:30, but at least she got away for a little while.)

Even when I'm not there, I'm thinking about being there. I've got things I need to do in my "real" life - change my oil (I'm nearly up to 15,000 miles and never got my 10,000 mile service), get the dent in my front bumper fixed (since July), go over to the home store to get them to move my new bi-fold laundry doors from receiving to the lumber yard (so that they can cut them down to the size I need), get a dumpster delivered to the condo so that I can push my old treadmill and couch into it - and the most important of those is seeing Alcott. It's been over two weeks now since I've seen him and I've not gone that long since I met him, just over a year ago. And I miss him so much but it's just crazy and, even when I'm not at work, I'm stressed out about work. I can't just call up 15 minutes before I want to pick him up, either, I have to give adequate warning, which would require doing something other than work during the week. Nothing happens anymore during the week except work. Heck, I even forgot about a Junior League meeting this week and that just isn't like me.

In any case, Genevieve, my co-CASA, left me a message yesterday asking me to pass along an important piece of info to Alcott's foster family, so I did. Before I could even get out everything I needed to say, I could hear him in the background, his voice muffled enough that I couldn't make out his words. I asked his foster mom what he'd said and she told me, "He wants to know when he's going to get Starbucks again." Huge gulp. Hot, silent tears right there in my office. That's our special "thing", you see: we always do Starbucks together. Oh, God, he misses me, too. I almost can't breathe with the pain. I put everything I have into a laugh and tell her to tell him that it will be soon and that I'm missing my Starbucks, too.

I never thought he'd miss me. Heck, I didn't even think he'd notice I hadn't been around. TCB told me, last weekend, that I ought to be doing something with the kids and I told him that I was tired and that I hadn't made plans in advance so I couldn't. (Yes, he did mention that to me as I was crying on the phone with him last night!) But my boy wants to see me! And Genevieve told me, in her phone message, that the other kids want to see me, too. If you'd told me this time last year that I'd get so attached that two weeks' absence would put splintery cracks in my heart, I'd never have believed you, but they've twined their hands into the yarn that holds my world together and my life is irretrievably changed for the better.


Shannin said…
It is amazing how attached to people we become - especially when it's least expected. Try to make some time for yourself (TCB, Alcott included). You deserve it!
Anonymous said…
Wow. You have been very very busy. I hope you can make some time for yourself also! I loved hearing that Alcott missed you:) Very sweet.
neca said…
I hope that work lets up soon. Sounds like you & Alcott both need a little Starbucks time.
Anonymous said…
We have a lot in common, I also mentor and realize the effects it can have on you.

You sound harried and busy, but really many people would envy you! Despite all the work and the common items that go undone, you can see clearly the priorities, many of us don't often have that vision beyond the banal.

Good luck with finding the time you NEED to do the things you really HAVE to!
Fern Bourrie said…
You sound like a very busy person....I guess I'm not the only one. Enjoyed reading your blog.

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