One, Two, Cha-Cha-Cha

Wednesday morning. Well, that plan worked right up until I got downstairs to the cafe. I walked past some really nummy beef stew on my way to the salad bar and kept walking (so far so good) until I got to the Chicken Caesar wrap station. And, um, since we're having a wrap, let's get some chips, too. (Why not?) So much for Plan B.

Plan C involves actually doing all of the preparation for the healthy meals at home in the morning. These meals require defrosting then cooking in separate bags then combining into one. Basically, when I'm really hungry (as I am by noon when it's time for lunch), waiting and fussing with that stuff just makes me frantic and that's when the eating disorder monster kicks in with a vengeance. I hope Plan C will work...we shall see.

The problem with both of these plans, however, is that they feel like diets and, as I read in the Overcoming Bulimia workbook, is a major trigger for my disorder. OK, so how do I lose weight while treating this disease? Maybe I don't. Maybe they can't exist simultaneously for me, at least not as far as food goes. Perhaps I have to focus on eating whatever I want and just avoiding binges? I can get back into walking (need to get a new treadmill) and that will help, but maybe restricting food just won't work for me.

Oh my God, if I can't diet, how am I ever going to lose weight??? I can't stay this weight forever! Gah, I'm going to go and eat breakfast and try Plan C.

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