Please God, don't let this happen to me

Friday night. This is so horrific...I'm sure I'll be having a nightmare about it tonight. I've thought about getting a sawzall(sp?) and just cutting away my abdominal fat but, dear Lord, they had to use cranes to lift her fat away. Please not me. Please not me. I'd rather be the lonely old lady with 400 cats than the fat lady with a 200 pound fat apron removed by a team who you just know was disgusted and snickering the entire time.

Why? Why is there such a thing as eating too much? Why do we have free will when it creates so much pain and so many problems??? I'm fed up.