An epistle in the form of a list

Monday afternoon. So many things have happened recently and I can't remember what I've already written about. Please pretend I haven't already told you any of the following.

1. I went to Alcott's first high school track meet on Thursday. You read the words, "My heart filled with joy such that I thought it would surely burst," and you probably think I'm just playing with words, but that really isn't the case. As he ran his guts out (very literally) on the 4x400 relay team and nearly fell over with the exhaustion of it in the last 50 yards, I screamed until a coughing fit overtook me and then had to turn away as tears flowed over my eyes and down my face. It's probably just a track meet to a lot of the parents who attended, but for me it's another wonderful sign of how well my boy is doing. His foster father was there, his foster mother called every 30 minutes from another sibling's meet to see how Alcott was doing, and he knew he was loved and appreciated. No child deserves less.

2. I actually accomplished a few things that had been on my work and personal "to-do" lists and wondered when the Nobel Prize committee would be calling. Seriously, you have no idea how good it feels when I can finish something and get it off of my list. (I know that the "must do" lists represent external things that I'm holding myself to and I do want to stop letting the number of things on them control how I feel about myself.)

3. Had a fabulous candy-date in for an informal chat on Friday. I told my boss that I wanted to hire him just because he'd make us kick our games up another notch and we need that challenge. He reminded me that we have to solve for the business unit and the company as a whole, not just our department, so we might need to let another team that had more need take him. I reminded him that I'm only responsible for our team and that I really wanted to hire this candy-date. (Picture me stomping my foot.) No resolution yet but I shall keep the boss' feet to the fire until I hear what the big decision is.

4. I so didn't want to go to my Lighter Way class on Saturday morning. I'm pretty sure I've already written about this, so will only say that I mustered up the intestinal fortitude to go for the final 30 minutes of "weight loss wisdom" - skipping the walking and sun salutations yoga portions - and am very glad that I did. No one else in the class showed up, so I had my teacher all to myself. {Skip this next section if you're offended by religious references.) God really does know what He's doing because I needed to talk through how I've been feeling with someone that wouldn't try to solve or minimize and would let me find my answers while helping me through the maze. She helped me understand that what I'm going through (anger, frustration) is totally normal and that it's all stuff that I need to get through before I even worry about what my weight is or what's going into my mouth. Staying with my feelings, letting my body tell me what's going on that I'm not paying attention to, not abandoning my body - these are all parts of the healing/reintegration process that helps me along the path to better (mental and physical) health

5. Spent a nice Saturday evening and all day Sunday with TCB. For a change, he came to my place and that felt good. After the really intense conversation with my teacher, I just really wanted to be at home, feel safe, secure, and loved, and bring him into my life instead of always vice versa. I even attempted to have some of the conversations I know we need to have. (I had them with training wheels on and they didn't really go where I'd hoped, but it's a start!)

6. I want to get my literal house in order, too. I had to cancel the Maid Brigade service last Friday because of my little financial crisis and that's OK, but the overflowing laundry is driving me batty. I managed to get my bathrooms and kitchen presentable, but there's just no way to make dirty laundry look like anything it's not. Step one was buying all new boxes of supplies (done Saturday afternoon) and two loads have subsequently been started. I feel blessed sanity returning for at least one portion of the world!

How do you suppose I can work a nap into my afternoon here at work?

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