What to write, what to write, what to write?

Friday afternoon. I feel the need to come here to write although I don't know that I have anything worth saying.

Work is stressful (although I know it's primarily me that's causing the stress with my procrastination). Junior League has too much going on and is stressful. Things on Alcott's case (he has at least two court hearings a year just to make sure he's on track) are getting ugly and stressful. Not talking to TCB about things that are bothering me is stressful. So, I'm stressed. I just read in Glamour that one way to flatten your tummy is to work on your stress levels because stress produces some hormone that helps fat settle on your abdomen. Swell, because I so need the help in that area!

I have so many things demanding my attention and I just want to go into hibernation mode (except for work, of course). And I can't do that. Well, I could, but I'm nearing 40 and I don't have the energy to rebuild my life one more time after I wreck it just so that I can be alone so that I can focus on myself (and my health) guilt-free because that's the only way that I know how to lose weight. Well, unless you could when I was married, but my marriage was disintegrating and I used the exercising as a way to stay alone. My God, what a mess I am!

As I read some of these entries, I think the two of you that are left after this latest little fit of pique must have a picture of a girl barely clinging to reality and wandering around like Sad Sack. Funny thing is that you'd never know I was the writer of this journal if you met me in real life. I am held to be pretty successful at work - happy and productive, a real go-getter with my two Junior League committees, and one of the most dedicated CASAs ever. And I am. All of them. I'm also a stressed out individual endangering my health with every bite I (over) eat, every step I don't take, and every evening spent watching mindless television instead of yoga or meditation or reading or something even remotely healthy.

It's raining, it's cold, and I want to go home. I am the only manager here today, so I think I shall do just that once I finish meeting with the outside recruiter in 9 minutes. Life is not all gloomy!


Mia Goddess said…
I just wanted to thank you for opening comments again! I'm thinking you're the same sweetie Denise I've come to know and adore. Hang in there!
Alda said…
You enabled comments!!!
I had to smile when I read that bit about the stress hormone helping you with your goal of losing weight... at least you can give yourself credit for finding the silver lining!
Shannin said…
I am all about the perfect face for the outside world while the insides were crumbling. And don't think that the weight loss will magically make things like stress disappear...

I know you are playing your A game for work, Junior League, CASA - but don't forget to take care of yourself. Work isn't going to fall apart if you take some time for YOU.wy
brent said…
comments! woo! keep on writing and figuring your way throught it, i know you have it in you denise!
Brooke said…
Honey! I would hardly call you a sad sack - and what's this about you not having anything to say? Every time I read your blog, I learn something about courage.

You may well be sad right now, but you don't come across as pathetic - you seem like someone who is working very hard for everyone else, who maybe has never made much time for herself.

But here's the tricky thing about blogs: we're getting maybe 5 percent of you through the Internet. There's a whole lot to you that we never see. Just guessing here, but I bet the other 95% is just as great - maybe better - than the 5% we do see.

Hugs, sweetie.
No, life is never all gloomy! Kudos to you for surviving a dreary, rainy, and lonely-at-work Good Friday! Remember that you have people in your life that support you and accept you as you are, but will continue to do so as you strive towards health and weight goals.

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