Don't you want to take me on a sea cruise?

Wednesday afternoon. I don't know why I'm posting today as I have nothing of any importance to write about. I guess I just want to get back into the habit of writing something everyday. Feel free to move on to your next read.

I continue to have my highs and lows - it varies from meal to meal and minute to minute. Sometimes, eating properly is the simplest thing in the world and others it feels like I'm going to die if I don't eat Mexican food. Last night was one of the latter times and I did, in fact, eat a large amount of Mexican food. I stopped before I'd call it an official binge, but it was still unnecessary eating because I'd had some pasta salad and several cookies for dinner at a Junior League committee meeting. I didn't feel hungry, but I felt sort of sad that I'd had such a small amount of food and that I wasn't physically hungry for more. Freaky, I know, but that's how I felt and I gave in. I just don't think I want to be healthy and lose weight as much as I want to eat large quantities of tasty food.

I don't really have much else to report except that I still haven't made it to the Y. I think a lot of it is simply being intimidated by the thought of being judged by the little chippy at the YMCA. Part of it is also the fact that I loathe going through any sort of administrative BS and I know that I'm not going to be able to just walk in, present a check, fill out an application, and get my card. They're going to want to schedule an orientation or fitness test or something and I'm just not into that right now. I only want to take the water classes and I don't need orientation for that. Of course, it's this sort of attitude that keeps me fat, too, so I suppose I'll "grow" through the inevitable experience.

Oh, wait, there is one thing more. TCB and I might be going on a cruise from Seattle to Alaska and back to Vancouver! It would be in September and be seven blissful days. The only "maybe" in the deal is that, if he gets the promotion he's being considered for, he won't be able to go anywhere until after September 15th and most of the Alaskan cruises depart on or before then. Bah! Oh, well, if we can't do it this summer, we'll do it next September and then it will be a celebration of his promotion, too.


Mae said…
I just don't think I want to be healthy and lose weight as much as I want to eat large quantities of tasty food.

Oh, I've been there. So many times for so long. I'm sure I'll take a side trip back to that mental place at some point, because really, it's what I've done always.

Just don't give up on yourself... so you've hit a rut now. It happens to us all! Hang on, because you are worth it...

BTW, I'd LOVE to go a cruise to Alaska... that sounds lovely! I hope it works out for you!

In a weird ironic way, you feeling a bit sad at not wanting to eat more makes perfect sense..and it's a good sign. You were straying into new territory and it's not a comfort you ease back into what's more familiar and comfortable. As you experience more times in the "not particularly craving mode",it won't seem as strange, and will be easier just to stay there and not feel like something strange is up with all that. It will gradually become your new reality and identity.
Does this make sense to anyone? It sure does to me. And it's positive.
Hope you go cruising. That's supposed to be a beauty.
deborah said…
re: the Y thing: you may not have to go through all that Orientation rigamarole. Pretty much every gym I've ever belonged to (and I've belonged to a lot of gyms, trust me) I've been able to waive that orientation BS. I just say I'm not interested and that is that. Maybe the Y is different, but I'll bet you could go take a tour and ask some questions and find out for sure. Can't help you with the chippy though, sorry (there are always a few of those at every gym -- although, I will say that headphones help distract you from all that).

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