Going through withdrawals

Wednesday afternoon. The thing about my relationship with Alcott is that it's the only thing that brings me absolute, unadulterated, pure joy. My soul expands every time I see him and I feel a hum of happiness for the rest of the day after I've been with him. Now that I haven't seen him since Thursday night, and knowing that he's in pain, I really miss him. I know, it's silly: He's a 15 year old boy, how can he be so important to me? I don't know, but he is. Gloria says it's because my intentions are totally positive in our relationship and because he's so young that he still radiates goodness and light (not having learned to be guarded). I suppose some of that's true, but how much more amazing is that given the fact that he's a foster child and has been through some really bad things?

I wish that I could package up the way that my heart feels. It's like the most exquisite balance of happiness and pain. Happiness because we are so well matched and balanced that it amazes me that we're not related in some way. Pain because I know that I can't keep that feeling forever and because I want all of my relationships to work as well and they don't. If I could bottle it, I'd send you each a sample and then I wouldn't need to write about it. But where would be the fun in that?

In other news, I haven't had a really crappy day yet this week at work. Now granted, it's only the end of my second day, but that's still something I find to be worthy of mention.

In still other news, I continue eating too much of the wrong foods and not exercising. Not worthy of celebration, but still I feel the need to bring it here in the interests of full disclosure.

Why is it so easy to balance my life some weeks and totally impossible others? Eh, I'll leave that to Gloria tonight.


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