An unquiet mind and yoga was hard

Tuesday morning. It's happened. I knew things were going really well and it was too easy for me to keep walking every morning. Life is cyclical and bumps are going to come along and, well, they have.

Sunday morning I woke up and planned to walk for my 17 minutes (plus warm up and cool down) before heading to the 10:30 a.m. yoga class. Not only did I not do the walking, but I spent so much of the morning ruminating on what I wanted to stuff into my mouth that I very nearly missed yoga. To be more accurate, I decided about three separate times that I was not, in point of fact, going to attend yoga at all. "I'm not feeling it," seemed to be the predominant feeling of slackerness. I did manage to drag myself to class and the battle did not stop there. I couldn't stay still, my mind wouldn't stop wandering, and nothing felt good or right.

You might think that I'm discouraged by Sunday morning's shenanigans and I was until this morning. Today I've realized that I've just discovered an early warning system for unresolved stuff that I need to deal with. At this point, I still am not sure what's going on that's got me so out of sorts, but I know it's there and I knew it much earlier than I normally would have because of the yoga. I stayed for the entire class and just went back to the corpse pose (can't spell the yoga name for it) every time I couldn't bear the fighting going on inside me while I was trying to follow the teacher. Yoga isn't about forcing anything, it's about retraining and being gentle, so I relaxed as much as I could and didn't give up entirely, so I'm feeling pretty good about the experience overall.

Of course, I still haven't walked since then and last night's dinner was either borderline binge or outright binge (not sure), but I know there's something just under the surface and I'm not beating myself up. What I do need to do, however, is come home tonight and get totally quiet with myself to figure out what's up and see if I can't do some working through in order to get back to a healthier path. In the meantime, I'm just doing the best that I can and that's more than good enough.


M@rla said…
Good point about the "early warning system"; it's helpful to know what our cues and buttons are.

"Corpse pose." Yeah, that sounds attractive.
Anonymous said…
If in your heart, you know you are doing the best you can, that's all that is important.

Sometimes we have to take it just one hour at a time.
Alda said…
Amen to your last sentence!
And - yes - the corpse 'pose' is the best. :)
Jocelyn said…
Thank God for that "early warning system", the beauty of things now is that you have recognised it is there, and you can and are taking steps to work out where to go from here.

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