NaBloPoMo, Day 2 - I don't think I want to play anymore

Thursday evening. First, here's my Top Five list for today:

Top Five Reasons I Love Autumn
1. Cold, crisp nights (good sleeping weather)

2. Football (especially high school)

3. Pumpkin Spice everything

4. My birthday!

5. Thanksgiving (my very favorite holiday)

I think I'm figuring out some of what's had me so topsy turvy lately. I've got this sense of impending badness that is becoming more and more palpable and I think that's got me thrown for a loop. For instance, TCB called today and, in the course of conversation, mentioned that his commanding officer had sent him a sort of cold/nasty email with an implied threat that his upcoming evaluation will be really poor. Something like that could kill his chances of ever making Chief and that's really sad given how much of himself he puts into his job. Also, frankly, if they're going to make it so that he can't become a Chief, then I say he ought to choose a posting that he likes rather than one likely to get him advanced. His hurts are my hurts and I could just feel his pain and uncertainty through the phone. There's just a ton of the uncertainty flowing around me right now and I hate that.

I'm also sort of unhappy with the opening night gala I'll be attending tomorrow night for the Junior League. There's nothing wrong with the party - as a matter of fact, I'm pretty certain it will be incredible - but I'm just not feeling good about going. I've been taking an hour here and two hours there away from work lately and now I'm going to need to take another half day or so and I worry what my boss will think about me as I do that. I just have this icky feeling in the pit of my stomach about going...I know that I ought to, but I just don't want to. Maybe I should just call TCB and cancel? I'm the one that bought the tickets, so it's no money out for him. UPDATE: Guess what? I don't want to go so I'm not going. Just called TCB, asked if he'd be upset about not going ("me upset about not having to drive south on 5 on a Friday night? Um, no."), and decided to skip it. Yes, it will be beautiful and people will have fun, but I don't want to go for whatever reason and so I won't.

Wow, that felt good!


Shannin said…
I occassionally get that feeling, too, especially around work stuff. As we've discussed before, you need to be able to put yourself and your needs first. I'm supposed to go to a happy hour to celebrate a co-worker's promotion. I should go for political reasons, however Don is off to SF this weekend and we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together so I am leaving work on time, we're going to take the dogs for a hike and then go to dinner.

Popular Posts