Lessons learned and why I haven't given up

Thursday (late) afternoon. I have earned my money today. I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open and it's not as though I have a physically demanding job, so it's all down to the stress of dealing with the fire drills and drama queens. I sometimes think that I need to ask for a baby sitting stipend.

I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser last night and was going along with everyone else (I'm sure), saying to myself, "Wow, look what they've done," and, "Gosh, they're so successful, I wish I could do that." Then I remembered...I have done that. I've lost over 100 pounds (which was what Kai, who lost the most ever for a female Biggest Loser contestant, did) more than once and I've done it without a trainer, without the support of family or friends, and without a $250,000 payout at the end as motivation. And then I got sad for the people I saw dancing around on stage and proud of myself.

Sad for them because I fear that they focused so solely on the weight loss part of the program that they didn't look at what made them 100 pounds overweight to begin with. (Editorial comment by me: No one gets 100 pounds overweight without some sort of eating disorder. You can't just "eat too much and not exercise enough" your way through 100 pounds. Twenty-five, thirty, even fifty, but not 100 pounds. Again, my opinion.) And, when you reach your goal after the huge journey and still haven't dealt with the internal stuff, it will come back. The euphoria of what you've accomplished wears off, the excitement of wearing cool, new clothes wears off, and that's when it gets dangerous and scary. Been there and done that too many times.

Which brings me to why I'm proud of myself. I've done this, been on this journey, so many times and I've fallen down every single time, but I'm still here. I'm putting puzzle pieces in place and I'm trying new things and I'm still convinced (most of the time) that I'm on the right path. Where I used to have the invincibility of youth on my side, and the exuberance born of perfect adherence to The Plan followed by quick results, now I have a calm and patience that lets me know that it's OK if it takes three years to become whole and release the weight that's stuck on my body because I'm fine and happy and loved and secure as I am right now - the weight loss is not mandatory, it's a "would be nice".

So, to Erik and Kai and Brian and everyone else that lost a ton of weight, I give you my congratulations and welcome you to the Over 100 Club - the toughest work begins now.


Sarah said…
Hi - found you through the NaPoBloMo Randomizer (yes, some of us still surf it!)

I watched the entire show this year for the first time and was shocked at how hard they worked them on the ranch. Then to see the people at home who were doing it on their own were getting similar results with no trainer - it was really surprising!

Kudos to you for losing so much weight on your own! Every one of those people on the show was so inspiring with how much they changed just in their glowing faces (except that crabby Adrienne - what's her deal, anyway?)

I'm so glad Erik won - he was definitely the most dramatic story of all and deserved it :)
rampant bicycle said…
As someone who's struggled a bit with weight herself, I can sympathize. :) Good for you for your determination though!

(Visiting from Michele's today. ;))

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