Tuesday afternoon.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." I could feel his hand shake as he lifted it to my cheek. "It will be OK," he said, and I knew it was true but I couldn't get my voice to work properly, so I just made a croaking noise.

"I have to go."

"I know."

And he walked forward, handing his boarding pass to the lady at the gate. (He was the last to board.)

As I sobbed uncontrollably, one of the gate attendants approached me to ask if I was a passenger on the flight to Tokyo Narita. "No, my husband is," I managed between sobs. I watched (and cried) until the plane rolled out of sight.

Fast forward 24 hours and I alternate between stabbing pain and a dull emptiness where nothing matters. Nothing matters. Nothing matters except that he's gone and I miss him and I want him back.


I can't imagine how hard it is to say good-bye to your new husband. Keep those positive thoughts you were talking about last week, and write him a bazillion letters!
Argy said…

There is not much one can say to make you feel better. I am afraid I know it too well.

But in times like this, there is this passage of Joy and Sorrow, in The Prophet, by Kibran, that soothes my soul just for the reality of it.

I paste it here and hope you will smile inbetween your tears thinking of all the joy and the hapiness of loving someone THAT much to be able and feel so deeply.

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
Unknown said…
Amen. There's nothing that will take away the pain right now, but I'm sending you a long distance hug from the East Coast and wishes that the next two years will fly with great speed.
Jocelyn said…
Alda said…
I know there's nothing anyone can say to take away what you're feeling. Just make sure you be gentle with yourself, and treat yourself to something super-nice.
Gingernut said…
Nothing I can say to make it better, Denise, but I send hugs and many, many sympathetic thoughts your way. Hang in there.

Sarah x
Shauna said…
oh denise... huge hugs mate xxox
Marie said…
Hugs to you...
Lori G. said…
Big hugs from Virginia -- I can't say anything to make you feel better but that I'm thinking of you.

Keep busy (like with that mirror) and be with people if you can stand it. We're all thinking of you.

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