Me fall down, go BOOM

What's your greatest fear? No, I'm not being existential here, I'm talking about that thing in the back of your mind that, when you think about it happening you wince in advance. For me, that thing is falling over while wearing high heels. And - wonder of wonders! - it happened to me today. At work. While wearing a dress.

I should explain. I don't wear heels very often, especially not when I'm fat. My body balance is not good when I'm thin either but it's just horrendous once I gain some weight. Right now I'm always very aware of where I plant my feet, how fast I pick up and put down (slowly is the right answer), and where there might be obstacles on the path in front of me.

And then there was today. I was in the cafetera at work, walking over to the dish return area, when I lost my balance, throwing my (full) tray forward and then following it down to the floor. I fell directly on my hands and then slid forward, propelled by the large amounts of soup I'd just spilled. Thankfully most of the glass from the plates wasn't directly under me although I did get superficial cuts on my feet, legs, arms, and hands, and my wrists, knees, and lower back are killing me. Still, what was my very first clear thought after falling? "Oh dear God, is my skirt up over my head???" The answer turned out to be no and then I just had to deal with the large crowd that had gathered around me to see if I was OK.

Omigosh, I have never felt so fat and ungainly as I did at that moment! Not while doing water aerobics. Not while walking in my swimsuit with a towel around me from the aerobics pool to the locker room. Just never. It's like every fat girl stereotype come to life! Which, of course, is why it's always been my greatest fear.



Max said…
I am not sure if this helps, but my mom, who probably ways about 110 pounds soaking wet, had a similar fall a few years back, in the cafeteria at her workplace (a college, so the caf was full of students and her colleagues, too). She fell forward and hit a table with her face, breaking her nose. (For weeks my dad didn't want to go out in public with her, not because he was ashamed or anything, but because people kept giving him dirty looks, like they assumed he'd done it!)

Anyway, my point is, skinny people have the exact same type of accidents. And my mom felt like a total clumsy dork, but people only cared whether she was OK. It sounds like you have a lot of people who care about you, and I bet they were just concerned about your safety.

I hope you're feeling better!
Suze said…
It's not your size. I fell off a desk at work and landed on the floor scattering chairs everywhere, and I'm about 130lbs. Klutzy is klutzy - it isn't a size thing. Look at all the people who were concerned for you - that's what really matters.
Marla said…
Aimee is totally right, this sort of thing happens to everyone! I know that's small comfort, but at least you don't have to equate it with your weight. One of my best friends went out dancing in clubs one evening, and didn't realize that she'd started her period, and she danced FOREVER on a crowded dance floor with a big stain on her behind until someone finally told her about it. And she's tall, thin, beautiful and model-like. It was just as embarrassing for her!
Jenn said…
I don't issues with crowded bodies of water. Pools, oceans, whatever - if I can't be at least 10 feet from another person at all times it freaks me out.

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