You can't just stop taking an antidepressant, you have to slowly taper your intake down until you are able to stop completely. Fortunately for me, the taper period for Wellbutrin is only 10 days - I can hardly wait. Right now, I still have many of the same unpleasant symptoms (particularly the constant sweating and afternoon sleepiness) but at least the crushing sadness seems to have lifted, and that's worth whatever other trouble I might run into.

I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. Work is too much. The kids are too much. Reading is too much. TV is too much. (Seriously!) Going to the garden just to water is too much. This is right back where I was when I started on the Wellbutrin a couple of months ago and now I don't know what to try. The office nurse offered to give me samples of another antidepressant (Lexapro) but I know what works for me - brand name Wellbutrin - and I can't afford it, so why try something else? Besides, the side effects and addictive properties of the other antidepressants terrify me and I don't want to risk it.

So many things running through my mind right now:
1. I wish I could see my therapist more than once a month (too many patients, not enough time)
2. I really, really need a nap
3. I'm crawling out of my skin...can't I run away for a while until this stops?
4. If this all turns out to be related to menopause, I'm going to be REALLY pissed off
5. I have so many things I need to do right now and I'm not getting any of them done
6. If I could only get 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night, I think everything would get better
7. I really, really need a nap

It took all the strength I had to stick to my "pretty" morning routine today...taking a shower was an act of supreme will, much less doing the tinted moisturizer and mascara thing. Gah, seriously, I think I might be losing at least part of my mind.


I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time.

Have you explored any menopause "treatments"? Because your symptoms sound very similar to those I have from time to time (although I'm very thankful mine seem to be much less debilitating. So far.)

I'm wondering if one of the "lesser" drugs would work in combination with some form of menopause therapy.

I wish I'd become a doctor. All I can offer is a heartfelt "hang on!" Better days are coming.
Annie said…
You're probably gonna laugh but... Um .... Have looked into how your diet is affecting your mood?

If you've read my personal blog in the last 6 months, you know I've gone "gluten free". Miracle diet for me since it stopped the daily migraines that were slowly driving me insane...but also, it improved my mood and almost quadrupled my energy. Before, I had a hard time getting out of bed and spent most of the day wishing I could just go back to sleep. I'd actually put my head down on the desk and doze around 2 PM!!! Thankfully, those days are behind me. Woot!

Now, before your head revolved around and you spit fire (people get really upset when I suggest they give up the bread).....there is a proven link between gluten consumption and depression in some people. See:

You might want to look into it and talk to your doctor/therapist. Worst comes to worst, switching to a no-wheat/low-carb diet might help with your other ailments. ;-)
missy said…
Annie, I agree that a gluten-free diet works wonders (I've been gluten-free for many months), but I think in this case, Denise knows exactly why she's in the dumps.

And I feel your pain, Denise, with the not being able to afford medical care. Good luck with trying to get something that works for you. In the meantime, try bumping up the exercise (it really does help) and blogging to get those frustrations out.
Mary Ann said…
I happened to stumble across your blog while doing some blog hopping. I am a new blogger (last few weeks) and I was amazed by our similar life stories...at least present life. Today I posted my most recent efforts to combat my depression via acupuncture. If you're interested, take a peek, it could be a potential help to you too - www.lifebetweenhotflashes.com
In the meantime, I plan to follow your blog and hope you find some relief soon.
Julie said…
Hi Denise,
I have followed your story for years and felt so awful for you when I read your recent posts. I wondered whether you have tried 5-HTP. It's a natural supplement and it seems that some people have had luck with it for relief from both depression and binge eating. You can read some stories at http://www.revolutionhealth.com/drugs-treatments/rating/5-htp-5-hydroxytryptophan.
Just thought that it might be worth a try since it is relatively inexpensive. I have used it in the past for anxiety and it worked pretty well for me (not sure why I stopped taking it). I started back on it a few days ago and feel calmer, so I'm going to stick with it and see.
Anyway, I wish you the best and hope that you are able to find a solution.

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