You can't force it

I've been trying to think of clever, interesting things to post about. I know that my thoughts are all tangled up somewhere deep inside my brain, and it's - literally! - driving me crazy. But the fact is that I can't force something clever and coherent, and it's not coming on its own, so instead I'm just going to keep putting random thoughts to keyboard and hope that everything eventually untangles and becomes clear enough to write.

Thanks to those who took the time to write supportive messages after yesterday's post. About 30 minutes after I hit the "Publish Post" button, my team gave me an award for excellence in leadership - how do you like those apples? I'm pretty sure it was my manager who decided I ought to be recognized rather than a massive outpouring from the team (I'm not on most people's good side at the moment, but that's the way it goes when you're the scope and schedule queen), and I'm totally OK with that. I was having a tough day and the universe sent me a cool statuette to sit on my desk for a couple of weeks until the next awards ceremony/team meeting.

I want to lose weight, eat better food, and be more physically active. Yes, this is not news to most of you. But why now? Because I'm tired of feeling old and tired all the time. Because I want to enjoy the heck out of whatever time I have left on Earth. Because I'm fairly certain that all of the eating, and the huge stomach it brings, is covering up stuff from the past that I need to face and put behind me.

I've put an eBook version of Savor on my iPhone so that I can read a little of it at a time during the day. I can only read it in small chunks because my inner child has a total cow just thinking about giving up her mindlessness, so I'm going gently. This book and the whole idea of being mindful and present in the moments of our lives rather than dreaming about how awesome things will be "when" dovetails nicely with the way I've been thinking about the big picture.

I want a sane life. I want a gentle life - gentle to me and to the rest of the world. I want an active life but not in a martial sort of way. I want, I want, I want. Whatever.


Shauna said…
A sane and gentle life... that doesn't sound like to much to ask or want. I gotta get my mitts on that book, sounds fab. Congrats on your award, woohoo! I am way behind on posts but catching up today and wanted to say hello :)

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