My ego took a little blow yesterday. I had applied for a position on a prestigious committee with a charitable organization I'm a part of and I wasn't chosen. It was something that the entire organization (~400 women) voted on, there were eight candidates for four positions, and I wasn't chosen. I'll be honest, it hurt.

Once the phone call came in, TCB asked, "What do you want to do now?," and I didn't know how to answer. My first inclination was to grab some food, go up to bed, and have a good cry. Then I thought about resigning (briefly) before I remembered that I've been part of this group for seven years now and have done and learned a lot during that time - you don't just quit something that's been such a big part of your life for such a long time.

So what DO I want to do?

I'm not sure, yet. I don't want to quit but how much time do I want to devote to this group going forward? I have health goals that I must work on this year as well as personal goals that include going back to school and finishing up a degree, and I really shouldn't sign on for anything that's going to impede my progress on those things. But I know that I can't just live for myself because that's not in line with my personality - I need to help others in order to feel happy and fulfilled in my own life.

I've sent an email to one of the organization's leaders, someone I'm confident knows my value and skills well, to ask for her advice about where to go for with my plans for next year and we'll see what she has to say. I know for sure that I'm not going to quit but I think the only way to push past last night's disappointment is to make a strong commitment in a different direction.


Anonymous said…
I think it's a good thing that you are able to talk about this disappointment in your blog.

Perhaps it sounds like a platitude, but just about every time an opportunity I have decided to work towards has been denied - something else that is wonderful shows up. Something that WOULDN'T have been possible had my initial desire been granted. I can't tell you how many times I have thanked my lucky stars that I didn't get something I thought was the end-all be-all for me.

... Leslie
Anonymous said…
I'm sorry for your disappointment! Truly a bummer. I'm agreeing with Leslie, perhaps something better will happen.

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